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[15 Oct 2009 · 6:43pm] |
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mood |
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( private )
Having thought about it, I have decided not to cancel any of my classes this year. If I do not make myself go to them then what will I be doing with myself throughout the days apart from wallowing in my room? Which is unlike myself to begin with, so I would much rather be using them to occupy my time and give me something else to do with my time apart from being gloomy. Thank you for the thought though, General Cross — it was appreciated, but I have come up with the answer I believe and hope to be the correct one.
…You know, I was going to go out tonight and attempt to be somewhat social but I do not think that I have the energy at the moment. I believe some tea and a bath will be the plans for this evening. After that, I do not feel as though I want to be seen right now. [deleted]
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[26 Sep 2009 · 10:26pm] |
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( private )
I have not felt in this manner before. I return from classes, if I do indeed choose to go to them, only to find myself curled upon my bed for the rest of the evening. I have never avoided my work before, but I cannot seem to focus upon any of the provided readings long enough to get anything done properly. I have never once before had such a problem. There is much on my mind, it seems, much that I cannot be rid of. Perhaps I am simply not meant for classes after all?
I forgot to wake this morning. I forgot to wake the morning passed, also. I missed my classes, but I feel no worry or bother that I have missed them. What is wrong with me? I return from classes only to feel sluggish and in dire need of sleep. I sleep, but I have no desire to wake. I am in this moment, trying to decide what the point of writing in this trinket is? I wonder…
…I am glad to have left classes on Thursday when I did. I do not believe I could sit through the lesson any longer without wanting to… The need to cry, why do I even have it whatsoever? I cannot shed tears. It is always so strange. My eyes sting and ache, but nothing comes. [deleted]
Perhaps this outing is what I need.
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[22 Sep 2009 · 3:04pm] |
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mood |
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Good while it lasted, as it were. Some things do indeed have to come to an end; this is not one of them. Despite his leaving, I will indeed continue love the man. Perhaps I will go visit sometime, it might be a nice gesture for him. I will enjoy seeing him again in the future. Still, I will be filled with sorrow for the time being, missing him… Hm.
That said, I should get back to my homework. I should not neglect it after all.
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[07 Sep 2009 · 7:14pm] |
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mood |
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Our hero, a Jack of all trades—
Here doth your journey begin—
Though it is not Rapture it will end—
Not in thy defeat, but salvation—
Release in the form of an Angel—
She will be your Savior—
She approaches. She comes—
But how long must you wait for the cure?
—My head…
I do not think that I shall sleep tonight. I am not certain that I want to, not after such a—well, it is a haunting dream. I do not wish for another.
Perhaps a walk is necessary.
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[27 Aug 2009 · 3:41pm] |
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ENG 431L: Modern and Contemporary Literature
ENG 450L: Scripture as Literature
HIS 371: Ancient Civilizations I
HIS 465: Culture and Society
REL 110: Religious Mythology
REL 420: Holy Orders
I can’t believe that I had forgotten to write these down somewhere for me to remember them, but it is done now. I will have to tag this entry so that I might get back to it whenever I should like to, of course. Perhaps it would have been best to write it elsewhere, but this will do for the time being. Having mentioned my classes, I believe that they are going rather well for the time being and do hope that they remain that way for the rest of the scheduled time I have within them. Though I am not entirely certain that the classes I have picked will grant me any new knowledge, I am hoping for the best about them. Maybe there might have been something that I missed before, yes? One can always hope that is what lessons are about, after all. The teacher should know more than I do as it is a specialty of theirs.
Diego—thank you for the dinner, the candles were a rather nice touch and even though it has been a few days since then, I thought I might mention it anyway. You know to be perfectly honest I don’t believe that I have asked you how your classes are coming along just yet. I do hope that you do not have any strange children in your classes; or hooligans of sorts. Still, I am certain that you would be able to handle them if push came to shove—but then again physical contact with a student is a no-no, isn’t it?
Ark, Mister Mikk—Despite myself not having need for it, I wanted to ask if you two boys would like to join me for dinner in the quad common area this evening? I thought about making something to eat for dinner and assumed that it might be nice for us to all sit down and get to know one another better since we will be sharing a home of sorts for a while, do you not all agree? Please do let me know.
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[18 Aug 2009 · 10:09pm] |
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mood |
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I’ve been feeling rather odd lately; perhaps it is simply the move, though? I do hope that I haven’t been a burden on my new quadrant mates because of any boxes, by the by? I did do my best to get the move in quickly, after all, and I realize now that in doing so I might have had a few stay in the common area. If they were in the way, I apologize quite wholeheartedly.
Speaking of the move, for anyone who might be curious—I suppose my closer friends is who I am directing in this field, I have been placed within Carnation North and I am looking quite forward to getting to know my knew roommates. Hilde—it was nice rooming with you before. I hope your move was easy for you.
On that note, Ark and Tyki; it appears I’m taking up one of the other rooms in our new home. I hope to become rather good friends with the both of you! It’s nice to meet you.
… Diego? Where did you end up, hm?
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[16 Jun 2009 · 1:13pm] |
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Diego? It was such a lovely trip. Hawaii is certainly somewhere that people need to see at least once in their lifetimes, I think. It’s gorgeous, the sun is so vibrant and the ocean is delightful. Perhaps we could go there together another time in the future? It really was rather lovely, though I cannot explain why I didn’t get a tan despite being in the sun for such a long time. Perhaps the pigments of my skin do not burn for some reason?
Admittedly though, that sex on the beach was rather lovely.
( private )
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[29 May 2009 · 8:55pm] |
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I find myself with little to do. Apart from walks with Ema and her son, I find myself simply spending much of my time reading and simply keeping to myself. I wonder, if, perhaps, I should find a way to get out more often? Or even perhaps-- Mm.
Diego? Summer is approaching and thus your classes will be terminated for the time being, is that correct? Unless you are one of the many professors of this school who teach throughout the break in the year? I wonder if you might like to join me, for a trip, I think. After everything that has come to pass, I would like for us to spend some time together. It might... Do us some good. Yes?
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[07 May 2009 · 6:19pm] |
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It has been some time. I believe that my emotions have, as one might say, calmed down since the previous time I used this journal. It was, without a doubt, one of the strangest feelings I have ever gone through throughout the entirety of my long life. The sunken feelings, my chest feeling rather tight, though I was not aware that a body with no real internal system could react as such unnecessary anger and despair brought on by strange wrenching feelings-- all very unwelcome I might add!
But the feelings have fleeted for the time being, and I believe that this might mean it would be a good time to talk about things that occurred, words that were used and statements said. Do you not agree, Diego? It would be wise, I think, for us to talk about things and ...Work through them. Despite this being rather silly in the first place. It is not like I was with you at the time, no. I believe what bothers me about it is the fact that you knew she was... Well, we can speak of that privately.
Ema. Would you and Liang Zhi like to go for a walk, perhaps? Before I speak with Diego, to ensure that my mind is clear when I do. It is a beautiful day, I thought it might be a good idea.
[fffff. almost missed this. strikes illegible.]
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[02 May 2009 · 11:53pm] |
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Surprised? Not really. How could I be? I saw it coming. It was the reason I suggested it. I should, therefore by all means, have nothing to be angry about but I am. Perhaps this just goes to show that I really do not understand emotions as well as I might have thought. Or maybe I am simply not as in tune with them as I thought I might be.
A pity.
And this day had been going so well, otherwise.
I believe that I need some time alone, to think.
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